The Healing Power of Tears: Why Crying Matters in Grief
We’ve all heard the expression “let it out” — but when it comes to grief, especially after losing a beloved pet, that phrase becomes more than just well-meaning advice. As a psychiatric nurse practitioner an pet loss grief specialist, I’ve witnessed firsthand the profound healing that can occur when we allow ourselves to cry.
Many people feel uncomfortable with crying, especially in a culture that often equates tears with weakness. But the truth is, crying is a powerful biological and emotional response that can support our mental and physical well-being — especially during bereavement. And science backs this up.
Crying is a Natural Release — Physically and Emotionally
Emotional crying (as opposed to basal tears that keep our eyes lubricated, or reflex tears from irritation like chopping onions) activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps us calm down after a distressing event. This explains why many people feel a release or relief following a good cry. A 2014 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that crying activates this “rest and digest” response, helping regulate the body after emotional turmoil.
This is especially important when grieving the loss of a pet. Your body is under stress. Your routines are disrupted. Tears can hep your system metabolize some of the pain — both physically and emotionally — so it doesn’t stay locked inside.
Crying May Help Expel Stress Hormones
There is also evidence that emotional tears may contain stress-related biochemicals, including adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) and prolactin. Biochemist Dr. William Frey, one of the early pioneers in tear research at the St. Paul-Ramsey Medical Center, found that emotional tears had higher concentrations of these stress chemicals than non-emotional tears. He theorized that crying may be one way the body rids itself of these toxins, offering not just symbolic relief, but biological healing as well.
While more research is needed, the idea that our tears may help us “detox” from emotional overload aligns with what many people experience: crying doesn’t fix grief, but it helps them feel lighter afterward.
Crying Builds Connection and Self-Compassion
A large international study published in Motivation and Emotion in 2008 found that the effect of crying depends greatly on the context. People who received support while crying — whether from a loved one, a friend, or even just a safe environment — were more likely to feel better after crying. Those who cried in a setting where they felt judged or unsupported felt worse.
This matters deeply in pet loss, where societal recognition can be lacking. You may have been told “it was just a dog” or encouraged to “move on.” But your relationship with your pet was likely profound and enduring. When society doesn’t validate that, your tears can become a radical act of self-compassion.
They say, “I mattered to someone. I’m hurting. This bond was real.”
There is No Timeline for Tears
Sometimes people ask, “Is it normal that I’m still crying weeks (or months) later?” The answer is yes. There is no timeline for grief, and your tears are not something to “get over.” A 2020 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders emphasized that emotional processing styles vary widely, and crying can remain an important coping tool over time.
Rather than asking why you’re still crying, try asking what your tears are asking for: Comfort? Rest? Reflection? Connection?
When you approach your grief with curiosity instead of judgment, you give yourself room to heal.
Give Yourself Permission To Cry
Crying won’t bring your beloved companion back — but it can bring you back: back to your body, your emotions, and your needs. Tears can soften the sharpest edges of grief and remind us that our pain is worthy of attention and care.
Let crying be one of your tools. Cry when the wave hits. Cry when you remember the softness of their fur, the rhythm of your routine, the way they made you laugh. These tears don’t make you weak — they make you human. And in that humanity, there is strength.
